Wedding Dress Code Made Easy

(from The Knot)

How are guests supposed to know what to wear to the weddings they are invited to? Not to mention that there are daytime weddings, nighttime weddings, formal, informal, and semiformal weddings.

Here are some top questions and answers for couples and their guests:

Q: Is there a rule for the start time of a black-tie wedding? I’m getting married in June, when sunlight will last well past 8 p.m. Is it OK to ask guests to don black-tie attire if my ceremony starts at 5 p.m.?
A: Traditionally, etiquette dictates that black-tie is only appropriate after 6 p.m., but nowadays as long as the reception starts around 6 p.m., it’s fine to request black-tie – even during the longest days of the year. If you’re still uncomfortable with the idea, try tweaking the dress code to “black-tie optional” or “black-tie invited.” They both still require guests to dress up, but you won’t be breaking any of the hard-and-fast etiquette rules that some of your more traditional guests may adhere to.

Q. I am going to an evening candlelit wedding with my boyfriend who is the best man and will be in tux. What should I wear?
A. Your best bet is to dress in cocktail attire – a nice dress that you would wear to any other formal evening affair. Don’t be afraid to wear a black dress: Although it’s still not appropriate for a brunch or luncheon wedding, black for a formal evening event never goes out of style. You can go simple and elegant in a nice solid-color shift dress, or add a little color, beading or embroidery if you like.

Q. A friend of mine is getting married soon, and her wedding color, from the invites to the cake, is pink. She let her bridesmaids choose their own dresses (all pink). And this is where my problem comes in. I want to wear my best dress to the wedding, but it’s pink. I don’t want to be mistaken for a bridesmaid, so should I consider the wedding color off-limits?
A. There are no hard-and-fast rules for guest attire, at least beyond what the formality of the occasion itself dictates. If you feel up to it, you could ask the bride (or one of her attendants) what she thinks – she actually might love the idea of having some of her guests coordinate with her theme. Don’t forget, the bridesmaids will have already been standing front and center for the entire ceremony – between that and the bouquets, other guests will probably know who’s who by that point.
Even if you don’t want to broach the topic, you still have a couple of options. If it makes you that nervous or uncomfortable, you may want to simply choose something else to wear to the occasion. But if you don’t want to buy something new (or just really love what you’ve got), you could add a couple of pieces to your attire to ensure nobody gets confused – a great accessory like snazzy shoes or a colorful wrap will make certain you’ll stand out from the bridal party.

Q. The country club where we are having the reception has a rule about men wearing jackets after 5 p.m. I’m not sure how to pass this info on to my guests. Can I put “Jackets Please” in the lower corner of the invite?
A. This information should go in the invitation. Because guests will have a problem getting into the club without their jackets, you are doing them a favor by telling them about the rule. “Jackets Please” doesn’t seem strong enough to let them know that it’s mandatory. Consider wording it like this: “Jackets required by the country club.” That way, your guests will know you didn’t just decide that you wanted them to wear jackets. If you’re uncomfortable listing this on the invitation, direct guests to your wedding Web site for all of the attire information.

Q. I’ve heard or read that you should not wear white to a wedding if you’re a guest. Is this true?
A. Let’s be honest: To go out of your way to buy a white dress to wear to someone else’s wedding looks bad, even if you didn’t do it on purpose. There are plenty of brides who are sensitive to being shown up by a guest (not that anyone could actually show up a beautiful, blushing bride).
At any rate, wedding guests really shouldn’t wear white. Ivory is OK, but only if you really have nothing else appropriate you could wear. The test: Look at yourself in the mirror and think, “If I were standing next to the bride in this, would it be awkward?” If you think it might be or that it might upset her, it’s a no-no.

Q: Many of my relatives dress very casually all the time (think jeans and T-shirts). The other day, my mom told me they weren’t planning to dress any differently for my wedding next month. How can I ask them to ditch the jeans for my day?
A: Dealing with family is tricky, especially when they may feel like you’re telling them you disapprove of their appearance. Ask your mom to mention that you’d like a more formal dress code at your event because of the time of day or location of the wedding. Or that you want to have your professional photographer take a family portrait and you’d love for everyone to look nice. Beyond that, there’s no way to force guests to dress a certain way. Be happy that the people you love will be with you on your wedding day, and you’ll probably realize that what they’re wearing isn’t nearly as important as you had thought.