My First Jewish Wedding

In my last post, I told you about a wedding we did on June 25. A week later, on July 3, I assisted a more seasoned wedding planner with a 300-guest traditional Jewish wedding at the Hyatt at Penns Landing. Not only was this a ginormous wedding, it was was my very first Jewish wedding EVER.

Side note: I am not too full of myself to step back and recognize that I don't know everything about everything. Big Thanks to Mark Kingsdorf for allowing me to learn from him.


So here I am at this wedding getting a crash course in Jewish wedding customs and a little taste of Hebrew and Yiddish too.

Bride = Kallah
Groom = Chatan

The kallah and chatan are literally treated like a king and queen. The bride sits on a throne to receive her guests and the groom is surrounded by guests who sing and toast to him. This is called "Kabbalat Panim."

There is a custom called a tish where the groom attempts to deliver some words about the Torah while his friends and family take the pressure off by constantly interrupting him with jokes, toasts, singing, and dancing. At the end of the tish, family and friends carry the groom into the badeken for veiling. Next comes the badeken, the veiling of the kallah by the chatan. This symbolizes modesty.

The wedding ceremony takes place under a chuppah, which symbolizes the home the couple will build together.

Photo by Unique Concepts Studio, Inc.
(NOTE: This is not the same wedding I worked on.
I just really like this chuppah.)

After walking down the aisle with both of her parents, the bride circles the groom 7 times to symbolize building their new world together.

The ketubah (marriage contract) outlines the husband's duties in the marriage. Protecting the wife is so important that the wedding will not continue until the ketubah has been signed. It is often made into artwork that can be hung and displayed prominantly in their home.

Two cups of wine are used during the ceremony. One during the Kiddushin when the rabbi blesses the marriage. The other is saved until after the rabbi recites the Seven Blessings.

The ceremony ends with the groom shattering a glass on the floor with his foot. Some jokingly say this is the last time the groom gets to put his foot down, but it actually symbolizes sadness at the destruction of Jerusalem and identifies the couple with the destiny of the Jewish people.

The bride and groom are escorted off to a private room to be alone for a little while to enjoy the first moments of being married and to eat something (because they are supposed to fast all day until they are married).

The most mindblowing part of the entire evening was the reception. I've never seen a more festive wedding celebration in all of my years as a wedding planner... heck... all of my years on the planet. They only take breaks for food and formalities, such as blessing the challah (a beautifully braided bread) and the hora (aka chair dance). At this wedding, the grooms parents were also honored with a special ritual for marrying off their last child.

Another fabulous photo by Unique Concepts Studio, Inc.
(Again... not the wedding I worked on.)

Is It Hot or Not? The Results

A big thank you to everyone who participated in our survey. Here are the results (drum roll please)

Garter Toss:
Hot - 54.5%     Not - 45.5%

Bouquet Toss:
Hot - 63.6%     Not - 36.4%

Money Dance (aka Dollar Dance)
Hot - 18.2%     Not - 81.8%

So what do you think of these results? Is it on point or way off? We'd love to hear your opinions... even if you did not take the survey.

Wedding Lasso

The Lasso is associated with a wedding prayer during the ceremony. As part of the ceremony to symbolize unity, a large loop of rosary beads is placed in a figure eight shape around the necks of the couple after they have exchanged their vows. The symbolism of the lasso is to show the union and protection of marriage.

Special members of the wedding party may be in charge of "lassoing" the Bride and Groom together after they kneel for the wedding prayer. They drape what is usually a white satin circle of cord around the shoulders of the kneeling Bride and Groom, groom's shoulder's first. The lasso may also be tied around their wrists. The couple wears the lasso throughout the remainder of the service. The loop is symbolic of their love, which should bind the couple together everyday as they equally share the responsibility of marriage for the rest of their lives.

A double rosary lasso may also be given by one set of the parents and may be blessed with holy water three times in honor of the trinity.

At the end of the ceremony, the lasso is removed by the couple who placed the lasso on the couple, or the priest. The lasso is given to the Bride as a memento of her becoming the lady of the groom's heart and home and shows their promise to always be together side-by-side.

Grande Pearl Wedding Lasso

Several strands of beautiful pearls are woven together to make this traditional wedding lasso popular in Hispanic, Latin and Filipino ceremonies. Weighty and substantial, the design ensures your lasso ceremony will not only be meaningful, but picture-perfect as well. Each lasso is made of faux white pearls.

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Filipino Wedding Tradition

I went to a wedding (yeah as a guest) last month. The bride was Italian-American and the groom was Filipino. During the full Catholic mass, one of the groom's relatives narrated the meaning of the Filipino wedding traditions as they were performed. This was a nice gesture considering the mixed audience.

Wedding Cord and Veil Set

In the Filipino tradition, this cord and veil ceremony will make a meaningful and memorable addition to your wedding mass. The veil symbolizes the union of two people clothed as one, and is large enough to drape over both of you. The white satin cord represents your eternal bond when folded into an infinity sign. Set includes a 56" x 36" embroidered scalloped edge veil and a tasseled cord, both made in the Philippines.

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Unity Sand Ceremony

Couples add the unity sand ceremony to their weddings as an alternative to the unity candle ceremony because it so elegantly captures the meaning of their two lives becoming one. It also creates a lasting keepsake of that special day.

Using different colored wedding sands, the bride and groom each take turns filling a Unity Vase as they recite their chosen vows. The flowing sand and blending of the colors symbolize the two lives becoming one. Some couples prefer to leave a small amount of sand in their respective container to show that even though they now function as one, they remain individuals. Once poured into the unity vase, the sands can never be separated. They are forever entwined just as the lives and loves of the bride and groom.

The sand colors can be coordinated with your home décor, chosen based on colors you love personally, or to match your wedding color scheme.

The ceremony only takes 2-3 minutes.

Some say that the ritual is a Native American custom. Others say it is Hawaiian. No matter who started it, the Unity Sand Ceremony is used in weddings around the world.

Photos from My Spiritual Wedding

Bat Mitzvah

My daughter is invited to her classmate's bat mitzvah on Saturday. To her, finding the perfect outfit and a cool gift is most important. I, on the other hand, want her to understand the significance of the occasion.

"Bat" is daughter in Hebrew and Aramaic.
"Mitzvah" is "commandment" in both Hebrew and Aramaic.

According to Judaism 101:
"Under Jewish Law, children are not obligated to observe the commandments, although they are encouraged to do so as much as possible to learn the obligations they will have as adults. At the age of 13 (12 for girls), children become obligated to observe the commandments. The bar mitzvah ceremony formally marks the assumption of that obligation, along with the corresponding right to take part in leading religious service, to count in a minyan (the minimum number of people needed to perform certain parts of religious services), to form binding contracts, to testify before religious courts, and to marry."

Islamic Wedding Traditions (Part 2)

Wedding Attire

This varies throughout the various geographical areas of the Muslim world.

In South Asia, covering the head during a wedding is a mark of respect. The bride wears a ghunghat, which is equivalent to the veil of the Christian bride. It may vary in length, covering not only the head but the shoulders, back and almost down to the waistline.

The draping may be done is several ways. The chunri (scarf or wrap), worn with a ghagra choli (long skirt & blouse), is tucked in at the waist on one end, pleated beautifully around the body and draped delicately over one shoulder. An odhni (long scarf) is usually made of silk with a tie dye pattern. The center of the veil is used as a head covering the ends taken carefully under the arms and tucked inside the neck of the abho or chorio (the upper garment).

The groom may sport a safa with its flowing tail-end. Others may wear a nattily wound pagdi (turban), or a topi (helmet). White flowers can be tied in suspended strings over the forehead, called sehra.

In northern, central and western India, a golden kalgi (jeweled ornament) studded with precious stones is tied over the right side of the groom's safa. Sandalwood is applied in the center of the forehead and further decorated with gold, red and white dots. This decoration may also be done over the eyebrows.

The groom may wear a white silk brocade suit, sword and turban as his wedding outfit.

Source (for both articles) www.revertmuslims.com

Islamic Wedding Traditions (Part 1)

Always Fabulous Events serves a diverse community. I have previously posted about Hispanic traditions. Today, I want to discuss Islamic wedding traditions.

There are many ceremonies involved in the marriage process.

The Mangni (Engagement ceremony)
~The bride's attire is provided by the groom's family.
~The bride and groom exchange rings.

The Manjah Ceremony
~1 or 2 days before the wedding, the bride is anointed with a turmeric paste which is provided by the groom's family. Only unmarried women apply this to the bride.
~Henna is applied to her hands and feet.
~After this ceremony, she may not leave her house until it is time for her wedding.
~On the day of her wedding, the groom's family will provide her clothing.

The Groom's Procession
~On the wedding day, the groom is accompanied by friends and family from his home to the wedding venue.
~A shamiana (large decorated tent) is erected if there is no concrete-paved area is available.

Arrival of the Groom & Guests
~The groom is greeted by the sound of drums and musical instruments.
~The groom and the bride's brother exchange a glass of sharbet (a sweetened drink) and money.
~The bride's sisters welcome the guests by playfully hitting them with a flower-wrapped stick.

The Wedding Ceremony
~In some Muslim ceremonies, the men and women are seated in separate rooms with a curtain pulled between them.
~The meher (a monetary amount paid by the groom's family to the bride's family) is decided upon by the elders of both families.
~The officiating priest asks the bride if she is happy with the arrangement and if she agrees to marry the groom. Then the groom is asked the same.
~The priest will read a selection from the Koran, witnessed by 2 males and a lawyer.
~The marriage is registered (nikaahnama). It is first signed by the groom and then two witnesses. The bride will sign later.
~The groom is then taken to the women's section where he gives money and gifts to the bride's sisters and receives the blessings of the elder women.
~Dinner is served separately to the men and the women.
~The groom's family eats separately.
~After their first meal, the groom and bride are seated together and a long scarf is used to cover their heads while the priest makes them read prayers. The Holy Koran is kept between them and they are allowed to see each other through reflections in mirrors.
~Dried dates and a sweet dish are served to the guests.
~The groom spends the night in a separate room at the bride's house with a younger brother. In the morning he is given clothes, money and gifts by the bride's parents.
~That afternoon his relatives come to accompany the bridal couple to their home.

The Rukhsat Ceremony
~The farewell is performed by the father of the bride by asking the groom to protect the bride always, as he gives the groom the bride’s hand.
~Four days after the wedding, the husband brings his wife and her family back to a reception hosted by his family. It is then that the two families become one.

I’ll post more about Islamic Wedding Traditions next time.

Latino Wedding Traditions

(from www.casaq.com)

Many traditions were adopted from Europeans that settled in Latin America as early as the 15th century.


Arras
Arras come from a Middle Eastern tradition brought to Europe by the Moors. Nowadays it is customary in Latin America for the 13 gold coins to be exchanged between the bride and groom to symbolize the sharing of fortune and wealth.

Ribbon Cake
In Argentina before the cake is cut and served, single women pull ribbons out of the cake. The lucky one (?) who gets the ribbon with the ring is said to marry within the year.

Lazo
Beginning in 7th century Spain, the lasso (lazo)was used as a symbol of the sacramental union of marriage. Today, a double-looped rosary is often used as a lasso to be placed around the couple to show that they are bound together for life.

Capias
These party favors (capias) are usually handmade decorative pins and are very unique to each wedding. The Bride and Groom go around pinning the capias on the guests one by one or a doll dressed similar to the bride is diplayed and covered with capias for the guests to retrieve.

Ramo
In Mexico at a Catholic wedding ceremony, the bride offers her bouquet to the Virgin Mary and leaves it at the foot of the statue in order to thank and ask her for her blessing.

Azahares
The tradition of using fresh or waxed orange blossoms (azahares) as a bridal flower originated in Asia and spread to Europe then the Americas. The orange tree is one of the few in nature that bears flowers and fruit at the same time - a symbol of beauty and fertility.

New Traditions: Top Wedding Consultants Dish
By Adrianne Kocinski (New Hampshire Bride)

Wedding style has been all about personalization for years — every couple is finding their own way to say “I do.” And although meaningful traditions remain, they’re customized to express a couple’s own style.

Naturally, some conventional wedding symbols have been updated: dresses aren’t always white; cakes aren’t always cut; and the groom might be getting a peek of the bride in her dress before the ceremony.

“It’s less about strict tradition — it’s about what works for you as a couple and your guests, whatever it is,” says wedding planner Kimberly Buxton of Exclusive Occasions by Kimberly.

The possibilities are endless, but three of the state’s top wedding planners have helped us spot some of the trends and new traditions that are emerging. These are, of course, open to your own interpretation!

The three-day celebration
One big change is the extension of the wedding celebration. The traditional, one-day ceremony and reception has been evolving into a three-day event.

“A lot of people are getting older, focusing on careers, they don’t have the time they once had to spend with family and friends – it’s a time to meet with them,” says Buxton.

It may start with a Wednesday check-in followed by the rehearsal on Thursday. Friday would be open to scheduled events such as scenic tours, apple picking or a casual barbecue, while Saturday is dedicated to the ceremony and reception. Brunch on Sunday wraps up this weekend for guests.

This works especially well for couples who have a lot of out of town guests, or who themselves are making New Hampshire a special destination.

Themes
No matter what the length of the event, themes, often based on location, are still showing up. When people have their wedding in New Hampshire, explains Melanie Bibbo of Blissful Beginnings, they want to showcase what the state has to offer. Summer in New England or fall in New England are popular.

On theme, Kate Parker of Kate Parker Weddings takes a different perspective: “We don’t think in terms of theme weddings, we think in terms of colors.”

Everything from programs to menus can incorporate a color scheme – and signature drinks at the reception, such as a hot pink Chambord or a pink lemonade drink, can also tie it all together. As far as which colors are popular: “Brown is the new black. We use chocolate brown all the time,” says Parker.

Ceremony
For the ceremony, many couples are choosing the outdoor wedding rather than a traditional church or reception hall.

“People are just more mobile than they were before,” says Bibbo. “They don’t have the tie to a family church or parish that our parents’ generation had. When they do come home they want it to be a symbol for what life means to them.” They pick spots that are personally spiritual or important to them.

Bibbo has also seen couples including extended family and friends in non-traditional ways. Perhaps they can provide music for the ceremony, or a relative may become an ordained minister or justice of the peace so they can officiate.

Reception

Tent weddings used to bring disposable china and plastic ware to mind. But today’s outdoor rooms have been made much more elegant. “They’re bringing in ballroom aspects: china, crystal, linens and flatware, consistent with the look they want,” says Buxton. You can dress it up as much as you’d like, while keeping the relaxing aspect of having it at someone’s home.

After dinner and dessert, couples are planning a distinct change in the mood and style of the reception – it’s time for the after party. “It’s where you find the brightest color, a live band, crazy food and a lounge-like atmosphere,” says Parker.

Transportation

Bentleys are used more often than the classic limo fleet. You can also get a little creative and rent a trolley — this will fit the entire wedding party. Horse-drawn carriages are a popular choice, and there are also luxury wagons, coaches and smaller buses that are great for up to 21 people.

Food

Parker sees more sophisticated menus that are designed to fit into a theme — for instance, pumpkin ravioli will accentuate themes of both season and color. As receptions turn into after parties, a late-night menu with mac and cheese or chips and salsa may be rolled out.

And for dinner on rehearsal night, Bibbo suggests that it’s not necessary to go out for a formal meal. “People love rehearsal parties rather than dinners.” A casual, come as you are barbecue with hamburgers and hotdogs sets up a fun, laid-back evening right before the wedding day.

While cakes are certainly still popular, Bibbo says she’s heard “I don’t want a cake” so much that it no longer sounds weird. She’s seen dessert stations, fresh strawberry shortcake, pastries and ice cream sundae bars take the place of the archetypal wedding dessert. And Kate Parker has seen cookies, brownies, milk chocolate and candy buffets.

But when couples opt for a cake, they really make the effort to find a design that expresses their personal style.

Photography

Kate Parker has been seeing a lot of photo booths — a photographer’s assistant or even a friend can simply use a Polaroid camera — and guests can sign their pictures and put them in the guest book. As far as professional photography, black and white, photojournalistic shots continue to be the rage.

As a keepsake, photos are put into coffee book-style albums as collages, on thick stock says Buxton. She also sees brides and grooms getting away from the after-ceremony formal pictures. Instead, they’re taking them prior to the ceremony so they are able to go straight to the celebration afterwards.

This twist of tradition, the bride and groom are seeing each other before the ceremony, creates a special, very photographable moment for themselves and the wedding party.

“It’s a moment to catch,” says Buxton. “It’s so much more private, much more personal and very romantic.”

Bouquets

Bouquets are really all over the map. Some people are really scaling back and opting for a simple, yet elegant, arrangement, says Buxton.

While others make it the wow factor.

While Kate Parker says many brides are choosing native flowers such as hydrangea, lilacs and peonies, she suggests checking on the seasonality of these when you’re planning. Peonies especially can get extremely expensive when not in season.

Music

Traditional musicians, such as harpists and string quartets, are performing during the ceremony and cocktail hour, while live bands and high-end DJs take over for the reception.

But more and more, Buxton says she sees couples tapping into their own music collection — they bring their laptop, rent a sound system and cook up their own custom playlist.

“The music has been wonderful. The sound system is additional, but it has saved them an awful lot of money in the end,” says Buxton.

One downside is this leaves you without an emcee to guide everyone through the night. And it can be tricky to get a crowd-pleasing music flow going. So also think about the drawbacks when you consider this one.

All in all, the trend is toward a personalized, unique wedding that portrays the symbols you want to represent your marriage. Get creative, bend the rules and have fun. NHB